i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
