Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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