Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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