Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
