There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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