Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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