No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
