I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
