yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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