You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
