On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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