____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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