I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
