We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
