I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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