At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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