perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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