I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
