She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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