i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
