Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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