never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dicks are not precious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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