i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
