Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
