I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
