She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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