I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
