I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
