After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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