dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I only lived at night.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
