um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need a beard to bite.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
