I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
