Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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