He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
