K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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