Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
