using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
