its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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