The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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