She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
