i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
