I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
