it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
