she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
