Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have post one night stand depression
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