so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
