I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
