i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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