You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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