I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
