Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
