I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
