I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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