you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
