I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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