i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
