I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
